Have you ever had one of those days when your friends just couldn't get what you mean or what you were feeling, and you just want them to understand how you felt?
Have you ever felt misunderstood by your partner or a friend?
Well, if you have, you might be needing a dose of empathy at that time.
It is a normal human need to feel heard and understood. All of us need to feel understood. Empathy helps us get in touch with our feelings and gives us an emotional understanding of ourselves and others.
Here is a definition of empathy by Peter Bazalgette:
Empathy is the power of understanding others, imaginatively entering into their feelings.
According to Carl Rogers, being empathetic means:
To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another's world without prejudice.
Carl Rogers has listed empathy as one of the main conditions that could guide people to self-actualization. Of all soft skills, empathy is the one that is most essential in all context. This is because it enables us to show compassion to other people, relate to our friends, loved ones, colleagues and even strangers.
I personally think that without empathy, you will never be able to make a lasting impact on your subordinates if you were a leader, or make an impact on your loved ones and your friends. Empathy gives you that "human touch", which could draw people closer to you, build trust and strengthen bonds.
Hence not only it serves as a stepping stone for your career, it also improves communication and deepens relationships as you are humane enough to touch on people's feelings (we are all emotional beings after all), more meaningful relationships are then formed.
Besides, it also impacts lives positively. If you truly empathize with this one soul, you could transform and add values to this person's life, and you could see them grow.
We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know. - Carl Rogers
A good news is that we can all learn to become empathetic. It's good to know that Carl Rogers also mentioned this:
An empathetic way of being can be learned from empathetic persons. Perhaps the most important statement of all is that the ability to be accurately empathetic is something which can be developed by training.
Here are 7 habits which we could practise to develop genuine empathy for others.
7 Habits that Will Increase Your Empathy
1. Have some emotional intelligence - Know your feelings.
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. One of the components of Emotional Intelligence is Self-Awareness. To develop empathy, first you need to be self-aware of your own feelings. Get in tuned with how you are feeling, acknowledge those feelings, don't try to deny them even if they are intense negative ones. Once you are able to acknowledge your feelings, you will be able to take note of other people's feelings, recognize them, and acknowledge them like how you acknowledge your own feelings.
2. Making listening a priority.
Listening brings many benefits in any relationships. Not only it brings us closer to the other person, we will also be impacting people's lives if we are doing it the right way. By listening to others, it is how empathy is developed as we get to the bottom of the person's message and their underlying emotions. In my previous post, I have shared about how to become a better listener, learn more about it here: The Art of Listening: The Impacts of Listening and 7 Tips on How to Be A Better Listener
3. Regularly ask others for their perspectives and/or feelings regarding a situation.
Another way to increase your empathy is to always ask others what are their perceptions and feelings about a situation. In other words, this is like listening and tuning into what others have to say, whether it is a new trend, politics, a football match, or anything. You may have contradicting ideas or perspectives with what they have to say, but as you ask them and listen to them talking about their perceptions and feelings, you will began to understand from their points of view, and then able to empathize with them.
4. Have genuine interest for people.
Of course, if we would like to empathize with people, we need to be genuinely interested in them, in hearing their stories, perspectives and feelings. If your intentions are not right, it will get you nowhere, unable to impact lives. Empathy, a deep feeling from your heart, could be developed only if you are genuinely yourself, you say what you mean, think and feel, and you are genuine for others.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. - John C Maxwell
5. Ask questions that allow people to open up to you, about their feelings and intentions.
We may think that asking a question does not seem important. John C Maxwell once quoted that:
Good questions inform; great questions transform.
That is how important asking the right questions are. Always ask open ended questions and not close ended questions. You could ask these open ended questions if you would like to ask people to open up to you about their feelings and thoughts: "What do you think about ________?". "What is it like to ________?", "How do you feel bout ________?, and so on.
6. Be open minded.
One of the ways to develop and increase empathy is to keep an open mind when talking to people. I know that being open minded can be tough sometimes, as we have our own set of values and beliefs that could have been developed since young. I'm not saying that having strong beliefs is being closed minded. You could have your own beliefs but are open minded at the same time. If you open up the door to your mind to accept new ideas and perspectives, not only you will gain new knowledge and understanding, you would be able to empathize with others as you listen to their points of view, leading to deeper bond formed.
7. Be vulnerable.
As you are open minded, you could also be more prone to vulnerability. To be able to develop empathy with others, you first need to be able to accept yourself and be vulnerable to your weaknesses, admit that you don't know everything and there are possibilities which you have not considered. It may feel scary to feel vulnerable and insecure, but it is powerful enough if you open up to your deepest feelings to listen to one's story. Genuine empathy could then be felt by the other party.
In summary, here are the 7 Habits that Will Increase Your Empathy:
1. Have some emotional intelligence - Know your feelings.
2. Making listening a priority.
3. Regularly ask others for their perspectives and/or feelings regarding a situation.
4. Have genuine interest for people.
5. Ask questions that allow people to open up to you, about their feelings and intentions.
6. Be open minded.
7. Be vulnerable.
Pick up a habit and start to develop empathy to impact and add values to lives today.
Hope you enjoyed reading.
Sincerely Yours,
Kim
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